A Mind is a Terrible Thing to Hate
April 5, 2010
A favorite quote of mine is from Byron Katie:
“We don’t suffer because of what happens, we suffer because of our thoughts about what happens. Reality is neither good nor bad.”
When I share that thought with clients, things get interesting. At first, they are mulling over the statement. How could it possibly be true? My favorite part is when they attempt to come up with a situation that is the ‘exception to the rule’. It’s a fun cat and mouse game of questioning that generally follows.
Most people have what are considered negative thought patterns. It is one heck of a job to try to flip that negative to positive-a job that most don’t want to even attempt. However, allowing the pendulum to swing halfway-from negative thoughts to choosing to acknowledge only what is true-is a much more doable task to ask of anyone.
The following habits can be developed as a way to get back to reality:
1. Breathe. This seems relatively simple. We do it involuntarily thousands of times a day. However, being aware of your breathing means ceasing all other activity for the amount of time it takes to acknowledge the thinking that is taking place. Stopping to examine the thought can shift your focus and stop you from an emotional tailspin.
2. Ask yourself, “What is true about this situation?” Challenge yourself to only accept what is 100 percent factual about a situation. This may require deep emotional digging and examination before you get to the ‘real’ truth. Often we get wrapped up around the feelings, not the facts. Facts may be concrete, but our feelings are within our control.
3. If you are able to find the truth, consider positive possibilities. If you have an active imagination that loves to ‘what-if’ everything to death, use it for good and not evil! Once you discover the core truths about a person, situation, or event, mentally or physically list the positive things that could follow. Not only does this ease anxiety, but it also is uplifting to contemplate the happy endings instead of doom and despair.
‘I’ve changed my mind’ is thrown out as a lightweight phrase to describe a shift in someone’s head. Truly changing the mind requires practice, patience, and above all, acceptance of yourself and the reality of what you’re up against-which most of the time, is all in your head.
