It’s Finally Time to Advertise that I’m Human.

It’s rather interesting being a life coach. Clients intrigue me, and I enjoy the creative process of helping someone along from point A to point B. However, it’s been difficult for me to express my sheer mortality and inability to walk on water to those who think that being a life coach means imperfection on my behalf.

“You’re a coach?!” someone will say, at a networking event or a casual affair. Then I’m watched with a questioning eye-no tunics, no wooden jewelry, no recommendations from me to run amongst the flowers to find your peace (I have allergies). Similar to my personality, I give it to you straight but in a kind way. I offer creative solutions and perspectives to your coaching issue. I may end up seeing you cry, but odds are, you’ll laugh, too. That’s the approach I take, and the clients that I attract are in need of just that.

What is difficult for me is that I have received that message from fellow coaches, who of all people should understand that we are….just…..people. It is incredible to hear that since I am a life coach, I cannot drink wine/bite my nails/watch The Soup/have a sense of humor/sport anything but long skirts and Birkenstocks. Yes, as coaches, through our training, we have the joy of processing ‘our stuff’, as we often put it, which means that we can empathize with a client when they are processing theirs. However, stuff comes up. If you get out of your bed at any point in the day, you are going to encounter ‘the stuff’. Now, a coach may process it more quickly and perhaps differently than a less-actualized person, but there is still processing to be done. And honestly, I wouldn’t want a coach who felt as though their work was complete.

I suppose the point of this post is to let y’all know that I won’t be rolling back any stones from tombs in the near future, nor meditating on a mountain during a spiritual sabbatical. But I will be kicking back on a Friday night with some Riesling and Joel McHale on E. That’s just me.

A Mind is a Terrible Thing to Hate

A favorite quote of mine is from Byron Katie:

“We don’t suffer because of what happens, we suffer because of our thoughts about what happens. Reality is neither good nor bad.”

When I share that thought with clients, things get interesting. At first, they are mulling over the statement. How could it possibly be true? My favorite part is when they attempt to come up with a situation that is the ‘exception to the rule’. It’s a fun cat and mouse game of questioning that generally follows.

Most people have what are considered negative thought patterns. It is one heck of a job to try to flip that negative to positive-a job that most don’t want to even attempt. However, allowing the pendulum to swing halfway-from negative thoughts to choosing to acknowledge only what is true-is a much more doable task to ask of anyone.

The following habits can be developed as a way to get back to reality:

1. Breathe. This seems relatively simple. We do it involuntarily thousands of times a day. However, being aware of your breathing means ceasing all other activity for the amount of time it takes to acknowledge the thinking that is taking place. Stopping to examine the thought can shift your focus and stop you from an emotional tailspin.
2. Ask yourself, “What is true about this situation?” Challenge yourself to only accept what is 100 percent factual about a situation. This may require deep emotional digging and examination before you get to the ‘real’ truth. Often we get wrapped up around the feelings, not the facts. Facts may be concrete, but our feelings are within our control.
3. If you are able to find the truth, consider positive possibilities. If you have an active imagination that loves to ‘what-if’ everything to death, use it for good and not evil! Once you discover the core truths about a person, situation, or event, mentally or physically list the positive things that could follow. Not only does this ease anxiety, but it also is uplifting to contemplate the happy endings instead of doom and despair.

‘I’ve changed my mind’ is thrown out as a lightweight phrase to describe a shift in someone’s head. Truly changing the mind requires practice, patience, and above all, acceptance of yourself and the reality of what you’re up against-which most of the time, is all in your head.

New website!

I am so happy to announce that http://www.navigationallifecoaching.com is officially live! Enjoy the site, feedback is appreciated!

Love and peace to you as your pursue your best life!

Choice is Free, But It’s Going to Cost You

One of my favorite parenting tips is one that I employed when my daughter was a toddler. Often times, a source of frustration for children is having too many choices, and parents are told to narrow down the options for kids in order to make life easier. I used this concept to make my daughter feel more in control of daily decisions, like what shirt to wear, without opening up all of the options that her closet presented. This meant she didn’t leave the house dressed in the equivalent of a Halloween costume for school, but she still had ‘picked out her outfit’. The same strategy still works for meals, clothing, and extracurricular activities. She feels good, I feel good, and all is well!

As an adult, I’ve encountered so many individuals who feel as though they have NO choices whatsoever; I’ve even been there. It is as though we go from being given all of the options to pacify us as children to growing up and being told that we have little to no say in how we live. We are also hit with the devils over our shoulders that shriek, “What would ______ think?!?!?” and distract us from our destiny. It is a battle to go against the flow and make unpopular decisions, but the opponents in the battle are the only part you don’t have control over.

When it comes to decisions, big and small, you should generally go with what you want to do and what you believe is best for you. Who is going to disagree with that? Well, it might be everyone that you currently surround yourself with, but the freeing thing about their reaction is that it is just that-THEIRS. You have no responsibility with regards to how they react to your choices. Granted, there may be consequences, but fearing those and acting from that fear will get you stuck, good and fast. Acting from a place of love, even if it is love for yourself, means that you are on the right path. That doesn’t mean that it will be easy or that people in your life won’t have reactions to your actions, but it is your choice! Treating individuals’ reactions as their opinions-exactly what they are-empowers them because they feel as though they’ve had their say, and it also empowers you because you are reserving your life as yours to live.

This isn’t a permission slip to become a sociopath and break various laws because it ‘feels right’. However, it is a reminder that giving up your power to choose is a choice-no one can take your right to live according to what you believe is right from you unless you give it away. Owning your decisions and the consequences that follow are steps necessary to fulfilling what your purpose is. There will always be a devil or a distraction, but trust that the obstacle is an investment in your future.

Burrito Buddies

I just wanted to write something in case one of those that I had made contact with at Chipotle today checked my website—it was wonderful to meet you and feed you.  I draw joy and peace from touching others in any way, shape, or form-being able to share my ‘prize’ with you was better than a burrito.  I hope you enjoyed your lunch!

For everyone else-I received a call Friday from the Chipotle near my home that my business card had been drawn, and I would receive lunch for 10 people today.  I brought my husband and daughter, invited my neighbor and her daughter, and then was gifted 6 people in line behind me that I invited to partake in a free meal.  Seeing the happiness and gratefulness on their faces touched me-I’ve been smiling all day! 

Always receive with gratefulness and send the good feelings out to those around you, amazing experiences take place!

Revelling in Magic and Joy!

Today I had the privilege of seeing Martha Beck, known as ‘America’s Life Coach’, give a presentation to the Phoenix chapter of NAWBO.  I was thrilled to stumble upon this opportunity to see Martha in person-she is a pricey gal to get to, and to have her speaking at a reasonable fee was an opportunity I had to jump at!

Navigating towards my destiny has been a popular research topic for me the last two months.  Not only am I learning how to help others do so themselves, but I am charting my own path as well.  Martha’s writing for O Magazine as well as her books have been instrumental in opening up an entirely new world to me.  The immense changes in my perception of what is possible in my life and the impact I am destined to make on the world have led me to a place that I can only describe as a resilient peace.  I had a great ‘place of peace’ day yesterday, after an uplifting therapy session as well as anticipating seeing Martha in the flesh today.

One of my concerns as a person and as a coach is my boundary limit with regards to empathy.  I not only want to heal, but I end up overextending myself to the point of taking on a wound.  This isn’t a healthy empathy, and this isn’t the empathy that will accomplish my purpose on this planet.  I acknowledged that I need to develop a more ‘detached’ empathy with my therapist, and started to really meditate on the ways I can develop that skill.  My upcoming life coaching courses at SWIHA will surely aid me in become a present listener and in developing an attitude of, “I’m sorry about your problem, what are YOU going to do about it?”  I also thought of another Martha Beck event, taking place this March, where she and a group will be staying at a ranch in Scottsdale and working with horses in a healing environment.  It clicked within me that animals are the perfect way to learn proper empathy and healing-unlike emotionally complex humans, there wouldn’t necessarily be a ‘wound’ for me to take from the healing experience, just a mutually beneficial time.  Martha’s site (www.marthabeck.com) also detailed the African STAR trip, in which she and a group travel to South Africa to work directly with nature and healing.

I thought to myself for weeks about how I would approach Martha at this event, because surely that was a stop on my way to my destiny.  I agonized over how to get to her, what to say to her, etc.  I didn’t want to be the glassy-eyed stalker and have to be bailed out of jail afterwards for my creepy behavior, but I knew that a deeper connection was going to be established in the short time I would speak to her.  I also knew that I needed to work with animals, and that her work with animals and healing was a part of my overall vision.  I had thought of the ranch weekend, and the price tag, and again agonized over how to make that happen.  Finally, last night, it came to me (in the shower of course) that I simply needed to ask.  I literally saw her and heard her say, “Just ask me, I don’t bite!”  I felt the small tug of apprehension regarding the chutzpah it requires to do anything like that, but other than that, it was a good risk, and one I knew I had to take.

Today I was able to speak with Martha at the luncheon before the presentation even started.  I saw her walk in and gave her the chance to meet the NAWBO board members, and then I got up and approached her.  Before I could even introduce myself, she cocked her head and said, “We’ve met before.  I know you!”  I informed her that she had come to me in the shower last night, and she laughed and said that when she doesn’t take her medication, she ends up in all sorts of places.  She then said, “You’re a life coach.   You look like a life coach!”  I was completely taken aback!  I then told her about my training and that I wasn’t completing her training yet due to the cost.  She shook her head and gave it to me straight—basically, shrink down that obstacle.  Make the connection that it’s destined to happen, and get creative.  You’ll get over it.  I also asked about the ranch weekend and told her about my ‘just ask’ revelation.  After sharing my story of not following my destiny and getting chronically ill, she exclaimed, “You’re a shaman!  You need to come to Africa with us!”  I also had something for her to sign—a small piece she had written about world healers and shamans, and that any inkling of shamanism that you feel should NOT be ignored.  She took one look at that piece and said, “You’re already a part of the team!”  She signed it for me and gave me the email address of her assistant, as well as pointing out one of her Master Coaches for me to speak with regarding the Africa trip.

I was in awe of the experience, and still am!  I feel excitement and thrill regarding the trip, but at the same time, I am still in that place of peace where it seems like this was already a part of my course, so why act surprised?  I am honored and inspired, and I feel as though I’m experiencing magic left and right, but I am not surprised.  You’ll be happy to hear that I already have been contacted by one of Martha’s ‘people’ regarding the trip and that I am hard at work and at faith about the logistics of it all!

A quote that resonated with me from Martha’s presentation was this-”Everything you need for your destiny’s success will be given to you the moment that you need it.”  Friends, this is beyond true.  Tattoo it on your arm, write it 40 times a day, meditate on it hourly.  Once you internalize this truth, you will find your place of peace, where you radiate nothing but joy and love, which will in turn bring nothing but magic back to you.  I promise.

Seasonal Effectiveness: Lessons from Rudolph

After a tumultuous November, my family has really embraced the upcoming holiday with open arms.  Normally the idea of putting up a tree and having multiple things to dust and vacuum around both exhausts and nauseates me, but this year, things are different.  We’re deriving joy from the smallest of sources, including the barrage of holiday programming that always hits post-Thanksgiving.

We had a family viewing of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer last week, and so many points resonated deeply with me.  I have been reading so much material on finding one’s destiny and purpose in life, and was able to view ol’ Rudy for more than I previously thought he was worth.

My gift to you, dear friends, a list of what I learned from Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer regarding charting your course and living with your destiny in full view.

• You are born with your proverbial red nose, and if you attempt to hide it, it ain’t gonna work for long, and you’re going to sound really, really ridiculous.  Lest you forget, Rudolph was born, nose a-glowin’, and his father, Donner, slapped some mud on it and called it good.  Needless to say, this quick fix left Rudolph uncomfortable and sounding terribly congested.  At one point, he even objects, saying, “But Daddy, it’s not comfortable!” to which Donner replied, “There’s more to life than comfort-like self-respect!”  How true!  It can be more comfortable to hide your light-easier to fit in, easier to make money, easier to just coast on auto-pilot without ever having to tune into your emotional well-being.  However, that damn self-respect eventually creeps in and busts up the party, leaving you to decide whether or not to keep up the charade, or get real.  Do yourself and your nose a favor-look at your life, and look at what you want.  How much congruency do you see?  Is every day a list of shoulds and musts, or are you able to recognize some wants, desires, and needs?  It is so easy initially to deny ourselves for the sake of comfort, whether ours or other people’s, but there comes a point where acknowledging and living according to our desires and purpose becomes vital.  I didn’t say easy, I said vital.  Which brings us to….
• When you expose your red nose, expect people to go a little bit nuts. Hopefully it doesn’t result in the seizure-like activity that Rudolph’s tribe fell into, but trust that you will encounter those who are not open to you up and changing on them.  Parents may raise their eyebrows at your seemingly sudden passion for basket weaving and drum circles, colleagues may label you as The Crazy One Who Quit and Joined a Convent, but know that any negative reaction you receive is rooted in fear (for your safety or sanity) or pure, unadulterated jealousy that you had the chutzpah to seek out your predetermined role in this world.  It is tempting to keep the peace by keeping your mouth shut (and nose under wraps)–but you disturb silence consistently by inhaling and exhaling, and I doubt you’re going to quit that pesky breathing habit you have to make anyone happy.  Determining your place in the world and navigating your way to that destination isn’t voluntary-you’re already on the road.  If you continue to choose to avoid it, you’ll just crash and burn.  That’s all.
• Find your fellow misfits.  They are out there!  I know, it’s frightening enough that all of the people in your life think that you’ve lost your mind, and now you have to be all vulnerable and seek out others to surround your ‘new’ self with.  It may be as easy as stumbling upon an elf who gave up toy making for teeth, or it may mean long stretches of loneliness without someone to sing songs with throughout the trek with the Abominable Snowman’s gnashing jaws not far behind.  Regardless, you’ll need to drop your Donners for some doe-eyed admirers who not only accept your nose but LOVE IT.  It doesn’t require moving to a deserted island and cutting off all contact with the New World, but it may mean evaluating those who are in your life and deciding what they will contribute to your journey.  If they’re just going to trip you and laugh, do you really want them along for the marathon?
• You might save Christmas! Or babies.  Or whales. Or whale babies. Or whatever. The point is, why keep something under wraps that has the power to change everything?  Don’t ever discount your purpose as an insignificant, inconvenient blip on the radar that you should just ignore because Grandpa Ted would stroke out at the idea of you leaving a six-figure income for something you would actually love to do everyday.  Truly successful people are doing what they love, not just what they think they should be doing in order to achieve, and because of the love they radiate, they magnetize success. 

You have no idea how much you are capable of and what your little ol’ purpose may mean to the rest of us.  Dream big, act bigger.

Karmic Absolution

My cat, Karma, is one of two beloved fur children in our household.  I adopted Karma in May 2008, when my divorce was finalizing and my new life was beginning.  As a formal send-off (and perhaps motivator) to my allergic ex-husband, I wandered into a pet store and to the adoption section.  Thanks to a nearby store associate, I was able to hold all sorts of cats and kittens, but then saw this calico cat in a corner cage making Stevie Wonder-like head motions as my voice and the employee’s bounced off of the cement floor and walls.  I was intrigued, to say the least. 

It turned out the cat was microphthalmic, meaning born with incredibly small, barely visible eyes.  An old woman with several cats had been taking care of her, then suddenly died.  Unable to care for all of the cats, the woman’s granddaughter brought several of them to the pet store in hopes that a local adoption agency could help.  The poor feline ended up getting the works, from basic testing to shots to a pricy surgery that sewed her eye sockets shut in order to make her more ‘adoptable’.  She would need a home that was willing to take in a special needs cat, as well as a family that lacked a penchant for moving their furniture often.  We were a perfect match.  I was incredibly open to having a calm, somewhat lazy cat that would be a source of companionship with a dash of entertainment.  I was nearly in tears after seeing little Karma (her given name by Mixed Up Mutts), and visited her three more times that day before finally bringing her home. 

 The first few days, she was scared witless, but as she trekked around the downstairs portion of the house, calculating steps and noting textures and smells, she soon strode around with the confidence of a ‘seer’.  I soon realized that special needs in the pet world must be very open to interpretation.  When you say her name, she ‘looks’ right at you.  When she hears the door open to the closet that houses the vacuum, she blows up like a puffer fish and is inconsolable for at least two hours whether vacuuming takes place or not.  Eventually I was coming home from work to find her upstairs in a closet, having navigated a split staircase and at least three doorways in order to reach her destination.  I realized that I was free to move the furniture as I saw fit.  Nine months after incorporating her into my home, she was joined by a pit bull named Sally.  Though Karma mostly wears her seniority as cordially as a porcupine wears its quills, both cohabitate in enough peace that I have enough pictures to make several years’ worth of calendars of “Eyeless Cat and Bully Breed Snuggling Ever So Cutely”.

I looked up the definition of ‘karma’ solely for the purpose of this blog, and discovered that the Wikipedia definition is ‘a term used in Buddhism specifically for those actions which spring from mental intent’ -the ONLY way my dear Karma knows how to base her actions!   My cat is an amazing reminder to me of how I should be proceeding through my life.  She hasn’t ever been able to see where her next step will take her, yet after a brief session of feeling out her surroundings, she climbs and runs with the ferocity of a panther.  She has never been able to see for herself that Sally is ten times heavier with a mouth that could lovingly cradle a calico’s head inside of it, so she just thinks to herself, “Whatever this furry thing is, it’s warm, it’s comfortable, it’s where I’m going to sleep.”  Her confidence and fearlessness exemplify living with passion-you can proceed forward without having your questions completely answered, if any at all, and still survive.  Pending that you can see, take a look at whatever proverbial furry, large-jawed beast you’re facing and decide for yourself if your reaction will be anxiety and terror, or a nap.  It’s completely acceptable to hear the closet open and be scared to death about the Vacuum Cleaner of Doom, but eventually your tail will settle back to its original size and you can focus your energy on which pit bull you’re going to doze off on next.

Living passionately is difficult to do if you’re accustomed to eliminating any and all ‘what ifs’ before making any moves.  No one can guarantee that simply because a pursuit is rooted in your dreams, you’ll be successful on the first or 500th attempt at bringing them to fruition.  Transitioning from pondering the possibilities of failing at your dream career, relationship, etc. to wondering how you can survive without at least trying to obtain what you envision for yourself can be gradual.  It can also be a sudden feeling that drops down on you like a guillotine, where you feel that any unknown you’re wandering into is a cakewalk compared to the lack of authenticity you’re projecting by living outside of where your passion lies.   Regardless of how you end up wandering around like Karma the Eyeless Wonder, remember that you have an incredible GPS within you that will aid you in finding your way to your destiny.  You’re going to bump into furniture, and trust that the floorplan is going to change on you, but follow the navigational system that led you into the darkness initially, and you’ll find your way around or over any ottoman or coffee table.